3 Unexpected Ways God is Using My Husband to Change Me

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,” Ephesians 5:25-26a

There are some Bible verses that make you cringe. Upon hearing it sermonized or reading it during your quiet time, a lingering unease persists.

This is one such verse that arouses the ‘fight or flight’ response within me – albeit, more often the former. I am compelled to voice my objections and plead my case. But in the end, I sigh deeply, drop my shoulders and lower my gaze -resigned to believe this does not apply to me.

You see, my husband is not a believer. We’ve been married for 21 years and one day – twelve years ago, I accepted the unmerited grace of Christ.

I couldn’t have imagined that my simple act of faith would usher into our lives such discord.  The more I soaked in the word of God, the more my husband withdrew.

Those early days were HARD.  

Time has brought us to a new normal. But it is this ‘new normal’ that belies my deepest desire to experience the blessedness of a husband who ‘cleanses me by the washing with water through the word’.

I know my husband loves me but I long to know what it is like to read the word of God together, to pray together and to worship… together.

So when I heard this verse play over my car radio recently, I sensed God whisper to my heart a truth that replaced the usual cringe with a pause…

“you ARE being cleansed by the washing with water through the word AND I’m using your husband to do it”

Double take. What?

It took but a few moments to begin to grasp the truth in these words.

Yes. I am being cleansed.

Even though my husband and I have not opened the pages of God’s word together, God is using my husband to draw me deeper into His word in three unexpected ways…

1. Turning to God first when I have felt the sting of rejection or pain

It is no surprise that the person closest to us is also the person that can often cause us the most pain.  They are intimately aware of our ‘unedited’ selves and may knowingly or unknowingly say or do something that sends us down a slippery slope of despair.

You’ve probably been there.

The ugly cry.

The chocolate binge.

The “I can’t believe he would say or do that” rant to your bestie.

I’ve been there, more often than I’d like to admit. But now, I’m learning to take my tears and pain to Jesus – first. To give all my worries and cares to God, because he cares about me (1 Peter 5:7 NLT). I pour out my heart and receive from Him that which only He can provide.

Is my pain immediately lifted? Sometimes. But most times, it is the beginning of a process toward renewal of my mind. Washing in the truth of His word that brings healing to my heart.

2. Praying more, fussing less

One of the hardest things to do is pray for someone that has hurt you. In the heat of the moment we want to strike back with all the fury within us – to fight our battle in the flesh but Jesus shows us a better way.

” I say to you, love [that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for] your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matt 5:44 AMP)

When I take my hurt and disappointment to the Lord, He reveals how I am to pray. How I can speak words of life and love over my husband. How I can bless the work of his hands, the health of his body and pray for him to know how much he is loved by the Father.  

I do not paint this as a picture of bliss and ease however – because it is not. It is often through anguish and frustration that I pray and ask the Lord to change my heart – that I may be filled with His grace, His mercy and His peace.

As I continue in prayer, I begin to see my husband as God sees him – an object of His love. I am reminded of the many ways my husband gives of himself to love and provide for our family as even Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. And where bitterness once lived in my heart, grace resides.

And lastly,

3. Building up my faith and trust in God

After I have spent time talking to the Lord, praying for my husband and myself, He takes me to His word.

He bathes me in a verse of promise – a truth that awakens hope. He guides me to speak when it is time to speak. To take action when it is time to act. And to stand having done all that I can do.

And when I lay my burdens before the Lord I trust that He is working all things together for my good (Rom 8:28). That He is making a way where there seems to be no way (Isaiah 43:16) and He is fulfilling His promises toward me (Luke 1:45).

So today, I have a renewed perspective of how God is at work to change me through my husband. Although he is not a believer and we do not share times of devotion, God is still using him to remove my spots and wrinkles and present me holy and blameless on the day of His return.  

It is a process – a long process but I am being changed.

Can you relate? How is God at work to change you through your husband? Leave your comments, I’d love to hear from you.